soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
