Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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