Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
