Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
