Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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