sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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