this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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