i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
