I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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