i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
