Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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