How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
