That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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