Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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