I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
