They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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