My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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