I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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