Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
