I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
