How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
