I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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