I think im going to throw up on grandma
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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