oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
