Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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