Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
