Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
