this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
