on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
