You're so nebulous sometimes
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
