Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
