So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
