I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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