how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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