After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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