"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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