I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
