I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
