You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
