Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
