I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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