he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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