FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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