The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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