I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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