i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
