I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
