Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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