He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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