i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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