this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
