i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
