yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
